The 2016 Detox


The election. The Orlando shooting. Creepy clowns. The deaths of many beloved artists. The rise of white nationalism and misogyny. The whipped cream shortage. TRUMP. These are just a few of the many ways 2016 literally decimated our souls. After surviving this treacherous year, it is time to rid our bodies of the icky residue 2016 left behind and start 2017 feeling refreshed, motivated, and nasty af. Instead of spending time brainstorming New Year’s Resolutions that will be forgotten after January 2nd, I think what we all need is a New Year’s Detox. Adopt some of these habits and your faith in humanity will slowly be restored!


  1. Smile at strangers. Or if that is too much, try to manage your RBF.
  2. Don’t smile at strangers. Embrace your RBF.
  3. Either way, stop obsessing over what people might think of you (and, unless you’re a goldendoodle, stop leaving the house with wet hair).
  4. Drink a shit ton of water, more red wine, less cheap vodka, and no soda.
  5. Always tip your servers 20%. Unless you physically see them spit in your food, then tip them 15%. Remember: this is how they make a living.
  6. Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome. No, saying “ty” and “np” will not suffice.
  7. It’s not funny to joke about or enable your “racist grandpa” or “offensive uncle.” If you hear something that is wrong, politely refute it. You can and should respect your elders and disagree with their ideologies at the same time.giphy63
  8. Realize that what you see on Instagram is not an accurate reflection of reality.
  9. Have meaningful conversations with your family members.
  10. Texting is talking, right? Therefore, don’t text at the dinner table, at a party, if you are socializing, etc. You literally are already talking to someone. Don’t be rude.
  11. The next time you find yourself judging a stranger based on their appearance, remind yourself that they are doing the best they can, and that you can do better.
  12. Follow people on social media that inspire you, and unfollow those that don’t.
  13. Don’t put your faith in people if they don’t earn it first. 2016 taught me this the hard way.
  14. Eat more fruits and veggies!giphy62
  15. Be an activist. Donate, protest, or simply retweet organizations that matter to you. Even talking about issues that matter to you is a form of activism. Have an opinion.
  16. Saying that, learn the facts and come at issues with an open mind before forming an opinion. Never be arrogant, try not to be misinformed, and don’t be too stubborn to change your mind.
  17. Stop and take a deep breath if you are about to go off on a retail worker, TSA agent, any human being, etc. Is it ever really worth it?
  18. Understand that even if you go to the gym religiously, you might never look like Kayla Itsines. Go to the gym to look good and feel good for you.
  19. For every news organization you follow, follow a happy account. The world can be a scary place. Fill your feed with images of puppies.
  20. Take five minutes out of every day to meditate. Just close your eyes, breathe, and zone tf out. Find your center. You’ll feel dope, I promise.


Here’s to praying that 2017 is exponentially better than 2016! Happy New Year, everyone!

One thought

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s